Modi Ka Jalwaa - Season 3

If there was ever a requirement of a Multitasking gadget to feature a single person Lalit Modi would surely be one of the favorites to feature in it. While most of us shy away from problems Mr. Modi has made problem solving his favorite pastime. Like having a AESA radar (read - Active Electronically Scanned Array ) which tracks down multiple targets at the same time and even prioritizes on the most important one Mr. Modi not only finds solutions to the problems but even deals with them with a certain panache. He does not believe in defeat probably doesn't even understand what it means as he doesn't seems to face one. The “Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika” act last year or the “Tweeting Out” act of not holding a match in Hyderabad this season are examples of how the man truly has “Defeated” Defeat. He even ensured that the “Security Concerns” were proven false by plane loads of Cricketers arriving in India thus ensuring what Modi predicted was correct, “ the players' need the IPL more than the IPL needing the players”. Quite true, other than the cricket they get to groove with “Shilpa Shetty” or hugs from “Priety Zinta” and then there is the moolah. Paul Collingwood last year did nothing and got 1 million for it. Money for Nothing and …......

So as Yusuf Pathan smashed the hapless Mumbai de Munde suddenly “Aal Waaz Well” and no one seemed to miss any of the “Left Out Pakistani's”. The world Champions were omitted but soon the omission was judged to be a correct decision as Mr. Butt in one stroke “Omitted” most the Pakistani players from the national team.“Modi Ka Jalwaa Season 3” has begun well with Lead Players “Sachin” and “Dada” raking the most TRP's. Aal unfortunately is not well for the “Royal – Aussie” connection. The chances of the Royal's getting to the semi's are as slim as Shilpa Shetty's waist and her hyperbole (not to be confused with Halla Bol, but adds to it) statements of them coming good are as useless as the pain relieving capabilities of their co sponsor “Moov”. Kings X1 like their owner PZ needs a “Hit” pretty bad, the original “Punjab Da Puttar” Yuvraj has been displaced for the newer “Sanga” but the luck doesn't seem to change. The “Vada Pav” boys from Mumbai seems to have enough “Vada” (Read Beef) this time to make it to the final stages. But the thunder in them is not coming from “Pollard” but rather from a left handed “Dhoni” named “Saurabh Tiwari”. The “Super King” didn't look anything but super until “Dhoni” became the ultimate “Mad Max” and handed “Dada” his first loss of the season. Damm him now we would have to wait for 2 more matches in order to watch SRK dance. “Bond” seemed to be bonding in quite well at least till “Hayden” was present there after though he turned from “Daniel Craig” to “Timothy Dalton” all thanks to Mr. Mad Max “Dhoni”. The “Chargers” looked to be the best till Rohit Sharma decided to be Roger Federer, luckily CSK decided to treat their neighbors well and decided to conceded a match. Delhi again has had a decent start but “Dilshan” is still “Scooping” for runs and AB soon needs to “D”eliver. Karthick hasn't been“Called” as yet thus as usual the team looks to depend on “Viru”, “Nannes” and the ultimate “Sour Face”“Gambhir”. RCB got a “Royal” beating from KKR but “Mr. Lensman” ensured a “Happy Ugadi” serving a very RARE “Spicy Uthappa”.

Time we said something about the Commentators too, Ravi Shastri coined a few old phrases and made then sound new by shouting them out after every few lines he spoke. The sheer no of times he saw “Electricity” left the municipal corporation of Navi Mumbai baffled as they themselves have been unable to generate so much to solve the cities growing power shortage. He also ensured Modi was referred to with a different adjective every time his name was taken and put in extreme amount of stress to announce “Modi” was working overtime. And then we have Mr. Sidhu himself trying to web a words that would flummox the creator of Wren and Martin and Oxford Dictionary put together. Whilst Mbangwa and co try and find out what keeps the cheer girls going and the favorite song of Shane Bond , Arun Lal should surely be missing Rameez Raja. Alas there wont be any in fighting between them trying to prove each is wittier than the other at the cost of making us listen to garbolic balderdash. And if ever there was a prize for consistency among commentators it should go to LS and his “What a Player”. Poor LS his only claim to glory shall remain bowling to Sachin and accepting to be “Cannon Fodder” while the great man found out ways to conquer Warne. The fact he has seen so much of the great man I guess he just cant stop using the phrase.

At last the main question of who would win ? Should be Delhi looking at the “Rich and Enriching” recourses they have, Mumbai too have a quite strong team but then this time I guess the favorites are RCB and KKR. They should win for the clear amount of entertainment they bring on to the screen. Memories of the 1^st match of IPL season 1 are still fresh when in reply to Mcullum's blitzkrieg RCB sent Wasin Jaffer and Rahul Dravid as openers while Sunil Joshi padded up to be the pinch hitter. That audacity alone should have resulted in SRK accepting defeat to Mallya bowing down in full rather face the consequences of watching Jaffer and Dravid bat. KKR had 11 captains in the field and a Joker as a coach in the last edition and along with Sir Paul KKR too had bid for the most expensive bench warmer with “Mortaza”, sadly he was played for the last match where Rohit Sharma took him be “Practice” for hitting sixes. We still have not got to see a glimpse of an ear flopping Agarkar get hit for repeated sixes and then giving expressions as if he didnt bowl the delivery. For RCB there is “Robbie” who would find ways to get out and then stand in the middle of the pitch with an expression of a man lost in his own house.

But at the end I am all but a humble Bengali stuck in kannada land and would hope “Dada” would inspire KKR to rise, scratching his hair and biting all that is left of his nails. Sorry Mr. VM even though I am very loyal to the beer from your brewery my “Bheto Bangali” attitude comes to the forefront in this case.

Joy Baba Fhelunath …. Oops sorry Joy Baba Sauravnath

Dear Dada

According to SRK dancing time aint arrived and according to Dada they have had enough “Dancing Around” for the past 2 years. After halting the Chargers “Charge” and giving the RCB a “Royal” beating Dada seems to be in a no nonsense mood till his team is safely through to the final stages. According to SRK KKR has promises to keep but then is it the promises that is driving KKR ? They drove right into the wall in the 1^st edition and all around during the 2^nd , much due to a “Buchananism” drive shaft. The real force to drive them was treated as a mere outsider last year but then on Friday night, though, it was time for the Dada-show again.

The start was a “knightmare”, Dada fished once again and even though Oawis and Angelo managed to put up 160 Gilchrist looked to finish the match in double quick time. Despair for everyone in KKR as all the smiles vanished and it was time enough for Saurav to put back his Dada mask. Suddenly as if ordering school boys around his arms flailed like a windmill, the voice rose above the din and the brows burrowed in determination he moved his resources with the skill and panache of a hardened general and then from the very dins of despair he stopped the Chargers charge 13 runs far from victory. Dada was back and along with him was his “Dadagiri”, as usual he got fined for slow overate and voicing his dissent but then who cared. The 1^st match of the 3^rd edition of IPL and Dada ensured a purely stellar show. As usual he did not do much himself restricting himself only to the ordering around but the that is him, mesmerically brilliant in doing so. Next match in home turf and for a change Eden’s lights didn’t fail and Dada made mincemeat out of Jumbo's RCB.

The match looked KKR's right from the beginning. Robin Utthapa looked as useless as he was last year, Eoin Morgan just realized why the British should refrain from playing the “Reverse Sweep” especially in Edens and a particular “Dhael Ston” got hammered by A certain Manoj Tiwari who until a few days ago was more looking like a Halwai from Bangalore' s Tewari brothers. While Hodge helped himself to a 50, Dada found himself totally unable to rotate the strike when suddenly he rolled back the years and sent “Ston” into the stands with the shot of the match.

While SRK wont be dancing Anandabazar Patrika & The Telegraph for certain would as these two wins would mean more articles on our beloved Dada which in turn would mean more sales. Dada even after remaining out of top flight cricket is still an enigma, the proof of which came when even after the numerous attempts of the DJ at Edens to get the crowd to chant “Korbo Lorbo Jeetbo Re” all they did chant was “Dada, Dada”. The crowd I guess knows that their beloved Dada does not believe in “Korbo Lorbo Jeetbo Re”, for him its “Bolbo, Korbi Jeetbi Re” (Do only as I say and you shall win).

So Thank You Dada and hope later in the series we get a glimpse of how God would play an Off Drive

Thank you Pranab Babu

Pranab Babu must be a happy man, last time around PC's superb oratory skills had left both us and the opposition spellbound, many considering the fact that that it was the best budget ever presented. But then the stock market crashed . The markets went up by 300 points this time and kept risen at 175 when it closed. Pranab Babu thus must be very pleased. Yes the opposition walked out and the contents of the budget are likely to make much of us happy but still the market rallied to some expectation which all of us failed to see. Pranab Babu often has been labeled boring and was expected to deliver a budget which was supposed to be low on both form and substance. But then as if giving out free “Rosogullas” during a famine he probably delivered one of the most most pronounced budgets when compared to ones in the past decade.

The budget did not look spectacular, but it was never meant to be so. It was only when one saw Pranoy Roy dissect it that it looked so. This was a more a workman like Rahul Dravid carving out a win than Yuvraj blasting 6 sixes. For starters the Stimulus measures initiated by the Finance Ministry wasnt being round upped but only partially wound up and an increase in excise duties by 2 percent. The fiscal deficits were supposed be be reined in (a welcome change than just passing it on every year). And even though the opposition walked out on the announcement of increasing of fuel prices but the actual hike by Re 1 excellent news for the market, in accordance to speculation it was supposed to go up quite significantly. The direct tax announcement was also something to cheer about but then the picture does not look that rosy when one looks into it in detail..

The contents of the budget does not necessarily make everyone happy, the “Mango People” would be hit by the price rise of petrol and increase in the service charge for domestic air travel. Pranab Babu expects a GDP of 9% per annum and the budget he says is geared to do that. Tall claims one may say as inflation is around 8% and food inflation is around 17%. Putting these into consideration we would require a growth rate in actuals of around 20% in order to have a actual GDP of 9%. then there is the big question of actual growth of Rural Infrastructure which is supposed to get 25% of the total funds set aside for for Infrastructural Development. Such was promised before but then there are mass farmer suicides and the no of poor keeps on getting increased every year. But then for all the budgets which have been passed every year keeping in mind the to be coming vote banks for the next general election this one would stand out. It would stand out for being simple and not merely promising stuff like a politician on a election warp. It addresses the most simplistic and basic issues a finance ministry needs to address, maintain GDP growth, remove the fiscal deficit and ensuring the delivery machinery to reach these targets are running smooth.

Personally for me the best part of the budget was the news of new banking licenses, many of us have often been harassed for simple stuff and an hours job max has often been a month long wait. While the Private banks refused to let go of money and slapped false charges the Public Sector largely lethargic ever worked. We as a society have come a long way since the days of Priya Tendulkar to hauling public figures for gross negligence. But then nothing is done in case of a bank even if it is their fault.

The fault largely remains with us as we are too damm lazy but the new rule of “Licensing” might just allows a few “Lazybones” to take up issues.

So Thank You Pranab Babu for a “Boring and quite Uninteresting Budget” and while you may take a well earned break and sample “Macher Jhol” here's hoping what you did present rallies the country to heights as it did the stock market.